Eternity_2429

Brand New
Album: The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me
—–
Who do you carry the torch for, my young man?
Do you believe in anything?
Do you carry it around just to burn things down?

Meet me tonight on the turnpike, my darling
‘Cause we believe in everything.
If we sweat all these debts,
Then we’re sure to drown.
So we’ll strap ourselves up to this engine now,
With our God who we found laying under the back seat.

What did you learn tonight?
You’re shouting so loud, you barely joyous broken thing.
You’re a voice that never sings, is what I say.
You were freezing over hell,
You were bringing on the end, you do so well;
You can only blame yourself, it’s what I say.

Oh, order your daughters to ignore me;
Think that will sort me
And sweep me under the rug?
While you’re beating with a book
Everyone that book tells you to love.

There is an ember in the heart of the kiln,
And it’s burning hot with love;
Burning out my center ’til there’s nothing but dust,
Then rolling me with care into your cigarette,
‘Cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail.

What did you learn tonight?
You’re shouting so loud, you barely joyous broken thing.
You’re a voice that never sings, is what I say.
You were freezing over hell,
You were bringing on the end, you do so well;
You can only blame yourself, it’s what I say.

Who do you carry the torch for, my young man?
Do you believe in anything?
Do you carry it around just to burn things to the ground?

What did you learn tonight?
You’re shouting so loud, you barely joyous broken thing.
You’re a voice that never sings, is what I say.
You were freezing over hell,
You were bringing on the end, you do so well;
You can only blame yourself, it’s what I say.

Feels like,
We could escape this.
I might,
Throw it away,
For fear of the silver sun.

If you try,
Running a maze,
Of your lies,
It’s too hard to save–
You’ve thrown out every one.

Mmm *stretches*. Hey all. I’m taking a break from my VD final project and decided to make today’s post. It’s crazy how fast November is going by…it seems like yesterday was the first of the month, but already over half the month is done. That’s probably a good thing. Unfortunately, most assignments/projects are due in the next two weeks, so I will make this warning now: posts are not likely to be daily anymore. Either that, or they’ll be very short. However! As of today, I will be in Calgary in 26 days! No, I am not going to count down every day…but it’s nice to know :).

As some of you may be aware, if you’re reading the responses I’ve made to peoples’ comments, I officially gave my two weeks’ notice in to OSI today. My last day is November 28th. They did tell me that I’m in very good standing right now and that I would be given my job back at an hour’s notice if I ever wanted to go back, but at this moment, I’m just happy to be gone. Of course I still have 24 more hours to work there, total, in the next two weeks, but that’s all. If I really wanted to count something down, it would be those hours; 14 this week, and 10 next week. Also if you’ve read my responses, you’d know it’s been snowing here and it’s pretty cold to boot. Time to break out the heavier coat! Yay.

As to school, there’s something about November that apparently makes me very apathetic to the idea of going to class. I remember feeling this way last November also, so it’s not the program’s fault. Similarly to last November, I have a huge project due at the beginning of December which has not yet begun to take shape. However, hopefully I won’t be up until 5am the night before it’s due this year. Speaking of staying up late, I’ve been up pretty late the last couple of nights– last night I fully intended to go to bed early, then started talking to friends on MSN and that plan got completely derailed :P. Happily I can sleep in tomorrow, but only for a little bit. I need to get this project printed at a printing place before I go to work, which means it obviously has to be finished before then. GAH! *takes deep breath*

Ok. I’m good now. In other news, I looked up possible service for my old iPod…and realized that cracked screens weren’t covered by my warranty and that to get it repaired by the Apple people would cost roughly 3/4 the amount of a new iPod, so I decided to just get a new one. The old one was having more than one problem anyway, and something would have broken again inevitably after a while. So I am now in possession of a new 120gb iPod Classic (I didn’t want to get a Touch; I tend to stick my iPods in my pocket and I would’ve ruined the screen that way). This one is definitely heavier than my old 30gb, but it’s slightly smaller and thinner and it’s still shiny :). Actually I find I like the clickwheel better on my old one, but that’s just me. I also never noticed how bad the sound problems were on my old one until I was listening to the new one for the first time today– the difference in sound quality was staggering. I guess I’m just not that observant.

So back to my project I go. I may post tomorrow, but then again, I may not. We’ll see what state this project is in tomorrow night. Have a good Tuesday everyone!
~T

Mates of State
Album: Bring it Back
—–
Lying down, I notice what you see.
Below us, your arms are like the trees.
I know I haven’t said enough.
I know we haven’t said enough;
How I will protect, and how each day matters.

Spying shows your limbs caught in the rails.
These simple games will soon be growing tales.
And I know we haven’t said enough.
I know I haven’t said too much;
How I will protect and how each day matters to me.

Since the wreck, I know more what you need.
You need me to put you in the trees.
I know we haven’t said enough,
But I know I’ve never loved this much.

Hey all. If I’ve been talking to you recently (other than on this blog), you’ll likely know by now that I’ve been missing Calgary. The first four months being away from everything and everyone you know is actually pretty brutal, especially on nights like last night. More on that later. But I will tell you that the more you miss something/someone, the more random things get that remind you of that thing/person. This was partially prompted by K’s comment “man on fire!” on the last post (and also by her related blog post), which is quite the inside joke with quite the story behind it which would take ages to explain. Anyway, this joke continues to the point where thinking about handcuffs and turkeys reminds me of K and her/our friend Jill. Random, yes? Songs can and do remind me of people also– Bad Day (Daniel Powter), Paralyzer (Finger Eleven), Such Great Heights (Iron & Wine), and The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Weezer) remind me of four different guy friends (I think you know who you are). Even cars, sometimes, can provide triggers to memories or even just thoughts, of people– Ford Focuses and Toyota Previas remind me of two of my closest friends, for example. I do miss you all like crazy, and can’t wait to be back for the break– let me know what your plans are in advance, and we can start planning ahead a bit :).

Also, yesterday I decided to install a new statistics program on this blog which would let me spy observe details of the people who visit here. Obviously these stats aren’t too robust yet (it’s only been a day since I made the installation), but here are some interesting facts:
1) The majority of people visiting here are using Windows XP and Internet Explorer 6.
1.5) More people are using Mac OS X to visit than are using Windows Vista.
2) The majority of people visiting are apparently from the States (o.0)
3) Two people use RSS feeds to track my entries (I applaud you).
4) I get more visitors on the weekends than during the week.
5) A surprising number of visitors are accessing this blog through a University/College residence network (this includes some of my US visitors).

Not to sound creepy or anything, but those are some intriguing stats. Given that I talk mostly about Canadian issues and life in Canada, I’m surprised at the sheer number of US visitors. Anyway, I’ll continue to keep you guys updated on these stats as time goes on. I’m sure some other random fact will eventually appear.

As to last night. I wasn’t working, but after typing my last entry, I was suddenly hit with a huge wave of apathy and loneliness to the point where I would’ve given anything to be in Calgary again. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t concentrate…all I could do was listen to music and sit motionless on the couch, which wasn’t doing me any good. So finally I pulled up a blanket and stretched out and slept. At 8:30pm. I woke up again at 12:45am-ish, put everything away, and went to bed for real this time :P. All in all, a very productive night. I do have some major stuff due this week, most notably my VD final project, so it’s not very good that I’ve not been working on them/it. It’s very difficult not to procrastinate. I got my last IIMD assignment’s grades back today, though, and I actually did really well– it’s the best grade I’ve got in that class on anything so far. WOO.

So today. I worked 8 hours at OSI (bahhhh), and was put on the worst survey ever for it (though not the one I was complaining about before, thankfully). Out of 280-some calls (it was running really slow, so I only got a call once every 2 minutes or so), I only got 3 completions (in 8 hours). There was one night I was remembering fondly where I had this survey and got 3 completions in 3 hours. Yeah….not today. But the people I was sitting beside were both interesting, so that helped. Also, I have not submitted formal 2-weeks’ notice to HR yet…I’ll have to wait for Monday, but my last day should still be able to be Nov 28th.

So what do I do with my time when I have no homework/work/school (or if I’m procrastinating)? Other than going on MSN and chatting, I usually read, watch DVDs, download music, cook, clean, etc. Here are some random lists (because I love lists):

Books I’ve Recently Read:
- The Female Brain (non-fiction)
- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy (all four books)
- Blue is for Nightmares (book one in a quadrilogy)

Things I’ve Recently Watched:
- CSI: NY (Seasons 3 + 4 complete, 5 in progress)
- Stargate SG-1 (Seasons 9 + 10 complete)
- Criminal Minds (Season 1 complete)
- The Office (British, Season 1 in progress)

Artists I’ve Been Listening to:
- Anberlin (mostly from New Surrender)
- Hawthorne Heights (Fragile Future)
- Secondhand Serenade (A Twist in my Story)
- Brand New (mostly from Deja Entendu; *EDIT: also some songs from The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me as I have recently come into possession of this)
- Bits of: Mates of State, Weezer, Death Cab for Cutie, Dashboard Confessional, and Angels & Airwaves.

Here’s a question for you all– what would you like for Christmas this year? I don’t care if I know you or not, leave a coherent comment and I’ll publish it. I’m curious to see if there’ll be any overlap amongst you. Anyway, I’m off to go tie up loose ends and then go to bed. I could really use some proper sleep tonight! Have a great Sunday everyone :)
~T

I came to a realization today, quite randomly: these entries I write; they don’t always have to be about the things I do. I think I had this idea back when I first started writing these posts– I wrote a lot more back then about what I was feeling and what impact events had on my life and random things which didn’t matter much. Just because I do a lot of things everyday which don’t necessarily mean anything important in the grand scheme of things doesn’t mean I shouldn’t/can’t write about them. I guess I’ve been thinking that because people like my parents and my close friends read this blog, it should be sanitized to a certain point, and optimized for maximum interest and readability; and while this isn’t entirely wrong, it’s not what I initially intended for this blog.

The funny and contradictory thing about this argument is that while I’d like this to be a place I can let my inner mind roam a bit more freely than it does normally, I’d still like people to share it with, even though what I’ve just finished saying is that people are the reason I’ve been holding back! Catch-22 much. The way I’ve been writing my entries is fairly generic– here is my day, here’s what I think about it, here’s something witty or dry to make you laugh. It’s easy to do, since I do write the same way I speak, and so I just have to think out what I’m going to say in my head and then type it the way it comes. But this is kind of impersonal, especially since doing this off the top of my head is more like the way I act/am in public, not necessarily the way I’m feeling/thinking when I’m by myself, and being that I’m talking about myself here, I know there’s a difference between the two.

You all see and understand from this blog what I want you to see and understand; this is the problem with a contrived communication tool like this. And yes, I do rant and complain on occasion, but you’re all still mostly seeing the good side of what’s going on– when have I ever said that I’m lonely, or sad, or depressed, for example. I’ve felt it necessary to omit feelings like this for a couple of reasons, one being that I don’t feel entirely justified to be any of the above (sad, lonely, depressed, etc.) because being in Ottawa was my choice, and logically the consequences should be mine too. But also I know that I will get better responses out of people if I talk more about events as opposed to feelings, and humor as opposed to emotions. Another part of this is just that I don’t like judgement, much as I don’t like admitting that. I do know by now what forms responses by certain people will take, to the point where I’d rather not invite comments on my mental or physical well-being. I don’t necessarily feel comfortable broadcasting those feelings to the general readership of this blog, either.

I guess in conclusion, I still feel like this blog will have to be censored to a particular point, and because of that, there will always be things missing from my entries and descriptions. This is kind of unsatisfactory to think about, but there it is. I know who my core readers are, and this blog is slanted towards their/your interests at the moment– it’s not easy at all to balance those with my interests, and this is why the things I write tend to be more about things they’d–you’d–be interested in. This is how I tend to be in public also, which is also rather unsatisfactory to think about, as basically all you’re getting here is the voice of my social face: the things on the surface voiced more so than the things beneath. Honestly, I don’t really feel this can change all too much, partially due to who my readers are, but also to the fact that the reason/purpose I post here is not for the sake of posting– it is to keep people informed on what’s going on in my life while I’m studying out-of-town. So yes, it has to be informational and functional to a point, while still being interesting.

So I guess the question now is, am I going to change anything in future posts? Yes. I’m going to make a conscious effort to elaborate more on my own personal thoughts and feelings and not just focus on the major events of the day, however, it’s not and never will be everything or enough. If you know me well enough to be able to read between the lines and make educated guesses as to what I’m actually feeling or thinking, then that’s when I’ll know I’ll have succeeded– not everyone needs or wants to know what the real deal is except those who are looking for it.

So what exactly prompted this post? I actually was blog-hopping earlier, and followed links through a friend’s blog to one of their friend’s blogs, where I had the privilege of reading some of the most thought-provoking, intelligent, and personal entries I have ever seen online. I immediately wished that my own entries could capture the same feeling as these– they made the reader feel like they were right there the whole time, watching the entry unfold. Upon further thinking on this topic, the above paragraphs were born, with the unfortunate result that I don’t believe my blog could be like the one I read, due to censorship and a conflict of purpose. Those entries weren’t written with a purpose, they were written almost like intimate letters to the reader. I’m not going to provide a link here for the sake of the blogger, but if you ever come across that blog, you’ll know it right away. To close for now, here is a quote from that blog which really hit me in the gut with its aptness:

“Sometimes life isn’t great, at least not right now. But even if you miss someone, or feel alone, or lost or cold at night, it’s the little things like finishing each others’ sentences, watching the sun go down, lying in the tall grass or singing together in the car that keeps you warm and makes everything feel okay.”

~T